Based on the Strategic Interventions of
Tony Robbins has invented the coaching industry and he is probably the best coach in the world, and certainly the most demanded. I have to stress that I do not
share his conviction that an instant change is always possible, on the contrary, change is a process that requires working through, patient, dedication, and time. On the other hand, there is something compelling
in his personality and work that deserves attention. This is true by the way with any phenomenon that has become widespread in the culture. And this is why I have invested in the Robbins-Madanes training that analyzes carefully the interventions of Tony Robbins so that I can include some of them in my work, when applicable.
The training did not turn me into Tony Robbins, nor is it my wish to become one... But combined with my other training and experience, I might be able to support you in getting to the next level from where you are now.
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To discuss whether relationship-coaching could be right for you, please schedule a strategy meeting. It's free and there is no commitment.Strategy Appointment
I want to help you to identify what are the challenges that you might encounter on the way to fulfilling your vision, not only in relationships, but in other areas as well.
For most people the biggest challenge is what they focus on, what they think most of the time, and what they believe. For example, if your first step is to finish your dissertation or to take a licensing exam, and you’re thinking: “It’s too difficult,” “I can’t focus,” “I’m not good at this,” what are the chances that you will succeed? Or if your first step is to meet a romantic partner, and you’re thinking: “I’m too fat,” or “I’m too short or too tall, or too shy, or not attractive enough,” what are the chances that you will succeed? I will want to guide you away from these self-defeating beliefs and to show you how you can trick yourself into thinking the thoughts that will make it possible for you to accomplish your goals.
So how do I get you to give up these thoughts? It’s not easy because often these ideas have been ingrained for years and even programmed into us by parents or teachers, sometimes outside of our awareness. So
one strategy would be to have a consequence that involves pain or unpleasantness, so that you would much rather give up the thoughts than experience the consequences.
Take a moment to think: What are your Limiting Beliefs? Write down one or two. These beliefs are often phrases that we habitually say to ourselves; for example: I’m not good at math; I’m too shy; I can’t do this. These beliefs become Incantations that prevent us from accomplishing what we want.
Now our beliefs are related to our emotions and our emotions are based on our physiology, our focus and the meaning we give to events. This sounds difficult but it’s really quite simple and we call it the Triad.
Your focus determines where you are going, and it is based on your Beliefs. Although it may sound counter-intuitive, to change your beliefs, you need to work on your emotions and they are made of the triad: physiology, thoughts, and meaning.
As preparation work, please make a list of all the emotions that you experience on any given week. Just write down spontaneously and quickly all the emotions, positive and negative, that you experience on any given week.
All human beings share the same 6 basic human needs described below. These needs underlie all the choices we make in our lives. What are the two most important needs that drive your behavior? Do they support you on the path to achieve your goals or do they pull you back?
The first need is for Certainty. We want to feel safe, avoid pain and feel comfortable in our environment and our relationships. Every individual needs to have some sense of certainty and security – a roof over one’s head, knowing where the next meal will come from, knowing how to obtain care when one is sick, knowing that a neighbor won’t attack us, etc. Everyone needs Certainty but the degree to which certainty is needed or desired varies from person to person. If the need for Certainty is too great, it might become an obstacle for personal growth. Code words for Certainty are comfort, security, safety, stability, feeling grounded, predictability and protection.
The fourth need is for the experience of Love and Connection. Everyone needs connection with other human beings and everyone strives for and hopes for love. An infant needs to be loved and cared for during a long period of time if it is to develop normally. Infants who are not held and touched will die. This need for love continues throughout our lives. It is epitomized by the concept of romantic love, the one person who will devote their life to us and make us feel complete. In some cultures, romantic love doesn’t exist; it’s replaced by the love of relatives, friends and tribe. Some people rarely experience love, but they have many ways of feeling connection with others – in the community or in the workplace. The need to love and be loved is very high for healthy human beings. Code words for love/connection are: togetherness, passion, unity, warmth, tenderness and desire.
The second need is for Uncertainty – for variety and challenges that exercise our emotional and physical range. Everyone needs some variety in life. Our bodies, our minds, our emotional well-being all require uncertainty, adventure, suspense and surprise. Just as a sense of security is reassuring, so the excitement that comes from variety is necessary to feel alive. For some, variety may be satisfied by watching the news on television; others may seek extreme high-risk activities such as extreme sports. Code words for Uncertainty/Variety are: fear, thrills, instability, change, entertainment, suspense, exertion, surprise, conflict, crisis.
The fifth need is for Growth. When we stop growing, we die. We need to constantly develop emotionally, intellectually and spiritually. We grow and change physically as we develop from infancy to adulthood and old age. We grow and change emotionally with every experience, and we grow intellectually as we respond to events and to the world around us. Anything that you want to remain in your life – your money, your health, your relationship, your happiness, love – must be cultivated, developed, expanded. Otherwise, it will degenerate. Some people satisfy the need to grow by working out physically or by reading a book. Others need to study and learn constantly to feel that they are truly growing. Code words for growth are: developing, learning, self-improvement, studying, and understanding.
The third need is for Significance which comes from comparing ourselves to others – in our quest for significance, we are always involved in questions of superiority and inferiority. We can feel significant because we have achieved something or we can seek significance by tearing down something or somebody. In its positive aspect, significance leads us to raise our standards. But if we are overly focused on significance, we will have trouble truly connecting with others. Code words for significance are: pride, importance, standards, achievement, performance, perfection, evaluation, discipline, competition, respect, and rejection.
The sixth need is for Contribution – to go beyond our own needs and to give to others. A life is incomplete without the sense that one is making a contribution to others or to a cause. It is in the nature of human beings to want to give back, to leave a mark on the world. Giving to others may mean giving time to community service, making a charitable donation, planting trees, or giving to one’s children. Not only can everyone contribute in some way, but contribution is essential to a sense of fulfillment and to happiness. Code words for contribution are: giving, sharing, helping, supporting, guiding, teaching and making a difference. The last two needs growth and contribution are more spiritual whereas the first four are essential for physical and psychological survival.
Try to list the human needs in the order of importance to you. Now look at your list and think about whether there are contradictions in the experience of your needs. You may have Certainty at the top of the list and Uncertainty/Variety
may be second. If this is the case, you might constantly suffer an inner conflict as to which need is most important to satisfy. By the same token, the need for Significance is often contradictory with the need for Love. It’s difficult
to love someone who always has to feel significantly important. That is why so many successful people, who satisfy their need for significance, have trouble in their close relationships and often feel that they are not truly loved.
Identifying the most important human needs in your unconscious model of the world can remove major inhibitions from your behavior. Not less important is to learn to meet the needs of your partner or future partner. When you meet two human needs of another person you have created a connection. When you meet four human needs you have intimacy. If you can meet all six human needs of your partner he or she will become addicted to you.
Make the next step in your life journey that will take you to the next level. Schedule an appointment to see if working together feels right to both of us.
Our relationships define who we are and the quality of our relationships define the quality of our mental health. There is no greater psychological need than for love and one of the biggest human fears is of not being loved. This means that there is nothing more urgent to invest than in having the best relationship that you can. You can make a conscious decision to do whatever it takes to have this most important area in your life resolved. Make the first step towards achieving this goal. Let Relationship Coaching in Vienna be your companion in this adventure..
You will learn to appreciate the dynamics of relationships so that you stop bumping into the same invisible walls over and over again. You will also be shown the limits of your model of the world where the potential for personal growth lies. When you understand your own model of the world, you can also understand the model of others so that you can connect on a deeper, emotional level to create intimacy. Invest in your personal growth while living as an expat in Vienna.
“We must never stop dreaming. Dreams provide
nourishment for the soul, just as a meal does for the